I’ve been reading a lot, recently.
I’m full of ideas on what I want for my birth- not specifics, this time, but the overall theme and sensation I want during my delivery and the time leading up to and away from it.
However, I also find myself reluctant to speak of it to anyone. I’m even faintly nervous to talk to my doula about it- after all, birth is only interesting to those who are birthing.
I wonder, why is it that we feel so reluctant to speak of something that we find truly important to us?
My mate commented that he tried to speak minimally of work, because he understood that nobody else really cares, since it only affects him. I think, in my personal experience, it’s a similar reason why I choose not to speak about my important things.
After all, they’re only important to me!
But… if I never speak of this important thing, then another girl who is looking for something may not find it. She may be looking for information on her own birth, or for validation or justification or just reassurance. She might be looking for something, anything- just like I am, right now.
If I don’t share my personal revelations, then what becomes of that theoretical girl?
Of course, if I do share them, it’s possible nobody will care. Is that a legitimate reason to avoid talking about it? Or is it my own fear of ridicule, or worse, being ignored or dismissed, that makes me so hesitant to shout out my choices?
I’m afraid of being rude. I’m afraid of talking so much about this passionate thing that I am experiencing that those who aren’t interested will become bored or irritated by my over-eager and hungry chatter. I’m afraid enough of these things that I avoid talking about this passion of mine, even with pregnant women. They might enjoy it, but what if… what if they don’t? What if they feel I’m judging them, even though I’m not? What if they don’t want to talk to me anymore because I can’t shut up?