Sugar

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I have a love hate relationship with sugar. 

I want it. I need it. I’m addicted to it, and it creates cravings in me that I cannot control.

I hate it because of those things.

I don’t like letting sugar control my life. I’m trying my best to cut it out of my diet, but it’s in everything, and I just don’t have the spoons to do what I have to do to cut it out- that is, cook from scratch and eat homecooked food.

Before anyone starts squawking at me about “But your HEALTH!” I am aware that my health is being negatively affected by it. You know what else negatively affects my health? Mental illness.

Sometimes, a bag of chips and a soda is what I have the energy to eat- the idea of opening a can of soup is just too much work. The idea of preparing and cooking soup from scratch so that it’s delicious and still healthy? WAY beyond my ability.

I’m trying to cut my sugar back. I stopped drinking soda, although I replaced it with lemonade so it’s not really all that much better, but I stopped drinking soda. 

I’m trying to eat food instead of snacks. But I’m still firmly of the opinion of a recovering anorexic that ‘any food is better than no food’ and I’m still in that stage of recovery. 

I don’t know if you ever get out of that stage of recovery. (My therapist isn’t trained in eating disorders.)

But the important part is that I’m trying, I’m trying. 

I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a chicken sandwich for lunch, a bowl of soup for midafternoon snack, and pizza for dinner (Thanks Nate!)

I feel like the food industry is trying to keep me addicted, given that there’s sugar in bleeding everything. >< 

I was going somewhere with this but I lost it. I’m sorry.

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